She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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