Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
