If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
