She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
