i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize