So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
