FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
