i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
