R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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