no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
