I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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