the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You ate ashes out of my bong
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
