Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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