Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
