Who did Billy Mays play for?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
