ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
