Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
