We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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