I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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