I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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