i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
