Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
