I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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