And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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