You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
