I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
