You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
