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everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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