It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
