I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
