there's paper in my vomit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had to cum in my sink.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
