you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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