We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize