More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
