where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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