How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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