I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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