hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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