im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They have beer where we have blood.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
