mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
