would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
