I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
