dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
