You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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