I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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