It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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