i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Vodka?
Forever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize