There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The air was thick with penises
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
