Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
