not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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