You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
