my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
