grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
