I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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