just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize