For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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