You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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