In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize