seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
