i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
