I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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