Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
