So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
