I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
