hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
