I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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