we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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