She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
