i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
