Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
