I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
