You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
