I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am one with the molecules
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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