there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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