I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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