My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
kristin has been a bad kristin
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
