why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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