saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
