just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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