walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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