he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
