that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
