i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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