Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
