Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
