So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
