I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
