guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize