i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
