I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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