I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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