Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
