I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
