I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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