As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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