people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
