ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
