My liver just broke up with me...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
