we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
