I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize