Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
