OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
