Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
