Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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