I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
