Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
