Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
