Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
