i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
