you would pick up someone in the library
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
