im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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