Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
